|"It's what you least want to share that the world is bleeding to hear"
|Alone in my tent
||[16 Jul 2008|01:56pm]
from my scrapbook two days ago:
Flying alone in my tent and it is stimulating.
I took a shower after i had been up for a while with my brothers, Seth and Clint. Eating eggs, drinking mate, having an apple.
One dollar for a warm shower, not bad but nothing compared with the tropical sauna shower at Sigs, which was my last shower.
Since that time i have:
Danced my heart out to three legged mule,
Hung out in the tour van with the band until four in the morning,
Hauled seven truckloads of firewood up the hill to the road,
Been on an amazingly beautiful road from Glenallen to Valdez which had the most beautiful waterfall named horsetail,
Almost screamed at someone for rudely honking at bikers on the road who were racing,
Seen whales from a ferry with beer in hand,
Hugged my alaska family,
Kayaked to a remote island,
Ate salmon sausage and fillets,
Camped under a cliff overhang next to a waterfall,
Kayaked back to the work van and reunited with the SAGA life and was glad i was no longer having to fake it,
Walked with my boy clint and passed out only to wake up this morning to a Raven's bark and seth's whisper of "want some mate?"
And that shower was only three days ago...
did i mention i love my life?
|smiles across the face
||[01 Jul 2008|02:30pm]
I have freedom in Alaska again and it feels wonderful.
Here's to listening to yourself and making the moves that work with you.
Here's to campfires, brews, and good company.
Here's to being lulled to sleep by the rain and waking up to sunshine.
Here's to meeting so many characters that you only ever heard about but never met before.
Here's to real road community and respect.
Here's to the life i choose to live. live the same
||[23 Jun 2008|03:51pm]
"When all was said and done she was able to ask herself,
'Now why on earth did i hold onto THAT for so long?!'
and she clicked her heels and went on her way"
|let it be
||[11 Jun 2008|04:25pm]
I spent my weekend at a cabin on a lake. The glacier feeding it was visibal in the background and a waterfall connecting it with the river was only a few steps away.
My daily life might sometimes be hard and sitting around waiting for people to make decisions for me so i can go out and live my life is definitely not my favorite.
BUT - i live in Alaska.
I can jump over boulders for hours and touch a glacier.
I can set my tent up on a beach every night and fall asleep to waves crashing and fish jumping.
I can see bald eagles swoop down from the high tree perches to try to catch a seafood dinner.
I can see a man in overall waders reel in a huge salmon while float-planes fly overhead.
I can laugh at all the tourists and their matching bags and watch them get all their money happily stolen from them.
I can hike around forsaken mines and throw stones into tidal pools and be amazed that it always makes a circle.
I can drive to the end of every road in this town.
When times get rough we play The Beatles loudly and sing along. especially these lines:
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be...
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
|Not good at waiting
||[06 Jun 2008|04:22pm]
I went to Alaska in seach of a dream,
and i want it back.
Ive seen beautiful things and met delicious people, but somewhere along the way i got sucked into a mindset i am not ok with.
Somewhere i lost a lot of who i am.
Im off to the wood for a weekend and hope to get my head right.
I'm so vague after not posting for a while - but rather than list out my frustrations, i will wait and see what comes my way that is beautiful and share that with your eyes instead
|how do you spend your days?
||[13 Apr 2008|02:12pm]
Because how we spend our days is,
of course, how we spend our lives.” ~ Annie Dillard
||[13 Apr 2008|12:40pm]
There are no words to tell you the pictures in my head.
I can't find a voice for my soul and my mind.
All i have are pieces.
Overly socially stimulated.
Folk music of mullets, creole, and one man bands.
Facebook photo memories and missing.
No more drama. please!
learning to be open, aware, wise, and free.
Bonfires, glaciers, snowball-fights, dogs, cabins, eagles, and bagels.
I have three more weeks of training before heading north to work on an old gold trail.
I love the mail i have received so far! thank you ian, martha, mom, joel and clare! you guys made my days/weeks/months.
Now i will go stare out the library lookout and watch the birds soar and the boats dock in the inside passage. Then i will head to a cafe and listen to singer/songwriters for hours before heading back to what sometimes feels like prison, but is at the moment my home.
Stay in touch. ask me questions.
There is much to say and i just can't smoosh it down into one post.
|right here is home
||[11 Mar 2008|02:13pm]
Aget Beach treasures
I am now in my new city.
I took the ferry from Washington up to Juneau and it was one of the most amazing experiences ive had.
Sleeping under the stars,
Chatting with friendly open individuals,
Learning about my new home,
Beauty in all weather - from clear blue skies, to rain, to fog, to sucker holes,
A pod of orcas,
Sharing of resources,
Knowing that where i am at the moment is home.
When we arrived at the port i didn't want to get off the boat.
But with a hitched ride, friendly hostel, adventure buddy, and a hike i am smiling.
I have a new love affair with this place. these moments.
And one night in - i think im going to like it here.
|the next step
||[07 Mar 2008|04:04pm]
So i am off to Alaska. i board the ferry in five hours.
I feel like i have been waiting and waiting for this job to start and now that it is almost a week away, i am afraid of losing my freedom, my spontaneous energy, my enthusiasm for new friends, my excitement for each new day.
Arcata was wonderful.
The 7 housemates made my stay wondeful and i learned from each of them.
The "i do what i want", the purposefully mysterious, the studious, the friendly politician, the free-spirited loner, the progressive thug, and the spontaneous girl.
All together in one home. with sushi.
and Sarah and i connected as if we had known each other forever. i love when that happens.
Then was Portland.
Brian and his wwoofing urban garden.
Joe and Josh and their H2O powered engine.
Chemtrails and other "the man is out to get us" conversations.
Jon and our friendship.
Church, croquet, cabinets, cinema, conservation.
Meeting so many people who i want to connect with again.
currently Bellingham and finding an amazing home full of great progressive and friendly people, a potluck, and talk of travels.
Now on to the two day ferry ride and Juneau.
i don't know where i will be sleeping when i arrive and i love it.
Life is so full of excitement this way.
Every day is an adventure - and an opportunity to just trust that everything will work itself out.
And it does.
|like a buddy
||[26 Feb 2008|11:36am]
I had an thought the other day and it has made my life so much more relaxed.
I had been feeling uncomfortable and strange hanging out in a house with people working and studying while all i did was read, walk through the woods, and sit and chat.
I didn't feel like i was being myself, just because i didn't know these people and we were constantly around each other.
And i wanted to be close with them.
I wanted to feel wanted by them.
And then came my thought: Why don't you just be as you are with your closest of friends. Why don't you treat everyone you want to know as if they already knew you and you knew them.
And it may seem silly - but for some reason, i just changed my mindset and thought of them as people i've known for years and if that makes them uncomfortable then ill change my plan.
But so far - i really like thinking of everyone this way.
It makes me less awkward.
It makes me closer.
And who doesn't want that?
|Across the Sun
||[16 Feb 2008|03:37pm]
"A voice cannot carry the tongue and the lips that give it wings. Alone must it seek the ether.
And alone and without his nest shall the eagle fly across the sun."
- Kahlil Gibran in "The Coming of the Ship"
I am flighty these days.
Who knows where i will be the next.
My heart is all over the world and i never know where it will take me.
I am still in Cali but i keep changing my mind about when I will leave.
To be safe send mail to my next job in Alaska:
Abbie D____, Corps member
Alaska Service Corps
PO Box 33037
Juneau, AK 99803
Being alone is so freeing but uniquely frightening.
|the liberal small town
||[15 Feb 2008|10:39am]
sarah's sharpie abbie
Arcata is a beautiful, liberal small town in northern california.
Drugs, Drinking, Smoking are alive and well here.
No one thinks twice about seeing someone with dreads.
No one looks at you strangely when you walk down the street with a large backpack full of your life.
The green party is in power.
People want change and for the system to be fixed.
I am, for once, part of the majority.
And it feels odd.
I think i need to be in places where my voice stands out.
Where there are cheers for my thoughts - but also people booing, people who don't get it.
I am refreshed and inspired here, but when these two weeks come to an end, i will be ready to get out into the "real" world, where people are not living by these ideals.
To speak and live change.
To have to struggle each day to stand up and say the truth.
But it is amazing to see a culture where things are going right.
Where people are living well.
Where the majority cares about the world around them.
and it works...
|Coming to you from Arcata, CA
||[12 Feb 2008|09:14pm]
The large friend i made at the zoo (my aunt's horse)
I am now living in California.
my life is crazy these past few weeks. a new place to sleep every few days. Always around new people.
Billings, Big Sky, Billings, Seattle, Traci's, CS#1-Molly and Ryan, CS#2-John and Molly, Greyhound, Portland, Jon, Ride share, California and Sarah.
I'm ready to stay for a bit. Just a little bit longer.
So my address until (im guessing) early March will be:
927 J Street
Arcata, CA 95521
i live with what i carry on my back, but you should Send Me Mail!! i would love it.
||[03 Feb 2008|01:24pm]
I've been in Montana this past week.
Skiing, hurting my knee, playing my mandolin, skiing some more, playing lots of uno with my brother and uncle, eating many burritos.
And i love the cold when i have warm clothes to bundle up in.
I never would have thought i would be sweating in 7 degree weather.
Being around family has been more relaxing than i thought it would be, which is always a nice surprise.
Although with family always comes the challenge of being yourself.
My mind keeps repeating to me, "Appear as you are. Be as you appear"
I have been reading any book that crosses my path, and quotes seem to be the best way to express myself these days.
Here is one i loved last night:
"With knowledge comes more questions.
With imagination comes more curiosity.
With searching comes more truth."
- Lisa Sonne
|2007 - a look back
||[23 Jan 2008|12:24pm]
I did this last year.
However this year, i have way more photos and feel like i have done even more.
Which is strange. since 2006 was Americorps. and that was a crazy whirwind of a time.
However - here is 2007 in the smallest amount of photos that i feel give it some sort of justice.
( Enjoy it here.Collapse )
|Be Here Now
||[28 Dec 2007|06:10pm]
A boy i miss deeply
For the first time in years i love you.
I will stay with you for more than a flashing moment.
The people who live in your arms will see me more than once before i frolic off to some new place.
Your streets are less confusing this time around. I am getting to know their quirks. I know the house with a large black bench and porch swing, the park with short slides and merry-go-rounds, the beautifully decaying termite museum, and the bar with the waitress who everyone is in love with.
I will learn to tear down, fix, and build here.
I will draw, strum, glue, and write here.
I miss the big O, but you are keeping me busy. Whispering sweetly "Be Here Now".
And although i know that i will be lonsome and will dream of far away loves and desires that are not met here, i am surprising myself by being interested in what you have to offer.
Don't let me down Philly. I dont think you can. These last months, i am content in every moment.
In honor of my roots here: Hallelujah
Your newest neighbor,
address until the end of January:
403 Edgehill Road
Glenside, PA 19038
|the search continues in omaha
||[10 Dec 2007|02:19pm]
"What if you stopped talking about it and finally just did it?"
i wish it was that easy.
Back in Omaha. got tired of the wet, cold, homeless existence.
Back in Omaha. still in the cold homeless existence, only now we mix it up with snow instead of rain.
Now i search for the next step.
I will sit and watch many movies.
I will wait for my friends to finish finals and work so they can be free with me.
I will look at many sites and wish that the jobs they described fit my ideals.
I will search...
|jumping to many moments
||[28 Nov 2007|05:39pm]
Jon on the spit
Posting here is daunting. it has been so long and life has been flashing past me.
I went to the dandelion farm. My ideas on life were challenged in a sweet way and i was blessed to be around fantastic people who i will never forget. And they loved me. For some reason that i can not comprehend, they loved me and paid Shannon and i to stay. and so we did. for over a month we lived in the mountains, got sweaty, and made art.
And when it was time to move on, we did. We went on another adventure. BMWs, wind, and coldness. People growing older and teaching me lessons on life, even though they dont know it. Lake Tahoe was large and the stars felt so close it made the world seem to have a tangible end.
Then it was off to a new farm. sleeping behind sheds waiting for someone to come and tell us we were home. And then we were. and it was a smoke filled blur. times of fright, times of laughter, times of repulsion, times so deep thought. all were in one place and it changed every moment.
Then we were off again. off to a new place. off to a tow truck after our car broke down. off to new friends and couches to crash on. Then on to old friends. old friends who i love so much and feel alone without.
So now i sit in a coffee shop in Portland, trying to figure out where the last few months have taken me. trying to make sense of all the crazy moments. trying to form them into a story to tell you. of a lesson i have learned. but all that comes out is this.
This is my mind. muddled, jumping around from point to point, filling with moments i forgot.
Ill tell you my stories later. ill tell them to you when i hold you.
next: seattle. lopez island. denver. omaha. Philadelphia on the 20th.
then: pittsburgh? fruit tree tour? ski bum? cruise ship? national forest? the future is limitless.
|Leaving the peaches and quiet
||[21 Sep 2007|07:33pm]
Last Days in the Sexy Duplexy
So the Ananda Marga Peach Farm....
It has been a good, quiet, veggie filled time.
Shannon and I spend all our time together (besides the toilet and shower breaks) and we are quickly becoming uber close. We are regularly asked if we are sisters. [[side: we look nothing alike]]
We have been living with:
- an indian monk in his mid(ish)-thirties.
- a 29 year old guy from a few minutes away who loves animals and leaves often.
- a likable younger guy who is going to live the next few years as a monk
- a quiet older frenchman with a weak stomach and sweet smile.
Our work days have consisted of:
- pulling the forest of weeds from the eggplant fields
- fixing irrigation tape that animals bit into for water
- picking and packing eggplant
- picking and packing peaches
- various odd jobs like sewing tarps, feeding dogs, washing towers of buckets.
At night we:
- Do some yoga with a guy with many names.
- Learn about Ananda Marga ideology, butt and all
- Eat toast, tomatoes, and cheese (it is always delicious)
- Lay and watch VHS tapes (so far: Shakespeare in love, 5th element, Face Off, Dead Poets Society, Anchorman)
- Sneak away to abandoned cars, giggle, become afraid.
- wake up freezing, cuddle, grab some more blankets, grunt.
We are leaving here on monday.
Next Stop: Dandelion Farm (dandelionfarm.org), a few hours north of San Fran.
so excited. this trip has just begun.
ps. aren't lists the best?
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